AI Engineer/Japanese Language Educator
2/4/2026
Have you ever been surprised by how frequently Japanese people say "sumimasen" while living or working in Japan?
When calling a waiter at a restaurant, when passing in front of someone on a train, or even when someone does something kind for them... Japanese people seem to say "sumimasen" repeatedly as if it's a habit.
I often receive consultations like this from students and trainees who have just arrived from Vietnam: "Sensei, why do Japanese people apologize all the time? Isn't it strange to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong?"
In fact, the Japanese "sumimasen" has a completely different role from the Vietnamese "Xin lỗi." While "Xin lỗi" is primarily a word of "apology" that acknowledges one's mistakes or faults, the Japanese "sumimasen" is like "magic lubricant" that oils human relationships and makes them run smoothly.
In this article, based on my experience teaching Japanese for over 10 years, I will explain the true nature of "sumimasen" that Vietnamese learners often misunderstand, and specific ways to use it to be trusted as someone with "wonderful manners!" in Japanese society.
By the time you finish reading this article, you should be able to master the use of "sumimasen" and find communication with Japanese people much easier.
First, let's understand the fundamental difference between the Vietnamese "Xin lỗi" and the Japanese "sumimasen."
In Vietnamese culture, apologies are basically made "when you are at fault." Therefore, apologizing when you haven't done anything wrong may feel like hurting your pride or unnecessarily admitting responsibility.
However, Japanese communication values "wa" (harmony) with others above all else. The Japanese "sumimasen" is not just an admission of "it's my fault," but rather a word born from consideration for the other person: "I made you spend time," "I caused you trouble," or "I'm slightly intruding on your space."
Let's look at a table showing the specific differences in cultural responses between Vietnam and Japan.
| Situation | Vietnam (Xin lỗi / Cảm ơn) | Japan (Sumimasen / Arigatō gozaimasu) |
|---|---|---|
| When late for an appointment | Xin lỗi (Required. Feeling sorry) | Sumimasen (Required. Apology for taking the other's time) |
| When someone picks something up for you | Cảm ơn (Express gratitude with "thank you") | Sumimasen / Arigatō gozaimasu (Gratitude with "I'm sorry for the trouble") |
| When passing through a crowd | (Bow only / Xin lỗi) | Sumimasen ("I'm disturbing your space") |
| When calling a waiter | Em ơi! / Anh ơi! (Calling out) | Sumimasen (Consideration: "I'm interrupting your work") |
In this way, when Japanese people say "sumimasen," they are not necessarily being self-deprecating by saying "I'm wrong." They are sending the message "I respect your presence."
Now, in what specific situations should you use "sumimasen"? Let's look at the five main functions with specific conversation examples.
Used when addressing a stranger or ordering at a restaurant. It corresponds to the Vietnamese "Em ơi!" but gives a more polite impression.
[Conversation at a Restaurant]
Customer: "Sumimasen!" (Raising hand slightly)
Waiter: "Yes, I'll be right with you"
Customer: "Could I have a refill of water?"
Advice: Shouting "Sumimasen!" too loudly at a restaurant is NG (not good). First, try to make eye contact with the waiter, and only when they don't notice you, call out at an appropriate volume.
Used for small everyday mistakes or when you've bothered someone.
[Conversation at the Office]
Colleague: "Oh, could you put those documents on my desk?"
You: "Ah, sumimasen! I'll put them there right away"
Important Note: If you make a serious mistake in business, the correct choice is to use "mōshiwake gozaimasen" instead of "sumimasen." You need to adjust the intensity according to the situation.
This may be the most surprising point for Vietnamese learners. When someone does something for them, Japanese people often use "sumimasen" instead of "thank you."
[Conversation in an Elevator]
(Someone is holding the button and waiting for you to get off first)
You: "Ah, sumimasen"
(While bowing slightly and getting off)
Why apologize here? It's because it's gratitude accompanied by a sense of apology: "I made you go to the trouble of pressing the button for me."
When asking for something, jumping straight to the point is considered "crude" in Japanese society. Placing "sumimasen" at the beginning lowers the other person's guard and makes them more likely to listen.
[Request to Your Boss]
You: "Sumimasen, do you have a moment now?"
Boss: "Yes, what is it?"
You: "I'd like to ask you to check these documents..."
Just having this "sumimasen" makes the boss understand "they feel bad about interrupting my work," which increases the probability they'll gladly accept.
Also used when parting or hanging up the phone.
[When Leaving After a Visit]
You: "Thank you for your time today despite being busy. I apologize for intruding"
Other person: "Not at all, please come again"
You: "Excuse me. Sumimasen deshita"
By adding "sumimasen deshita" at the end, you can leave a deep impression: "I'm truly sorry (and grateful) that you spent time for me today."
Here, let's address common mistakes and questions experienced by Vietnamese students in my classes.
A: In Japan, expressing things verbally is highly valued even among close relationships (family or close friends). In Vietnamese or Chinese culture, expressing too much gratitude to close people can feel "distant," but Japanese people believe in "courtesy even among close friends." If you just state the fact "Ah, I forgot" when you forgot to buy juice, your Japanese friend might feel uncomfortable thinking "Aren't they reflecting on it?" Even with close people, adding a word like "gomen ne" or "sumimasen" is the key to maintaining long-lasting relationships.
A: The correct form is "sumimasen." "Suimasen" is often used in colloquial (spoken) language, but it's somewhat casual, and some people may feel it's "sloppy." Especially in business situations or when talking to superiors, make sure to pronounce it clearly as "sumimasen."
A: This is a very common case among Southeast Asian learners. When feeling confused or embarrassed (similar to the Filipino sense of Hiya), you might smile to ease the situation, but in Japanese organizational culture, smiling during a reprimand is perceived as "not reflecting" or "making fun of the other person," which adds fuel to the fire. When being scolded, lower your gaze slightly, harden your expression (remove the smile), and firmly say "sumimasen deshita" - this is the only way to regain trust.
The word "sumimasen" is not just an apology. It is "wisdom" for maintaining harmony in Japan's high-context society by showing consideration for others and keeping one's position humble.
Starting tomorrow, try practicing these three things:
It's okay if your grammar isn't perfect. Once you can use "sumimasen" with consideration for others, you'll be recognized as a member on the "inside" of Japanese society.
If you ever wonder "What should I say in this situation?", please let me know in the comments. Let's learn together!
I sincerely hope that your life in Japan becomes richer and smoother.
AI Engineer/Japanese Language Educator