AI Engineer/Japanese Language Educator
2/20/2026
"Emeka, if you are a man, speak proudly. A loud voice is proof that you are not lying. Look the other person straight in the eye and slam your truth down."
For Emeka (pseudonym), who grew up in a vibrant city in Nigeria, his father's words were the North Star of his life. In West African culture, powerful vocalization and an unwavering gaze are proof that a person is worthy of trust. With these teachings in his heart, he came to Japan embracing a dream.
However, at that time, he did not yet know that this "sincerity" would turn into a "weapon" in Japan. As a Japanese language teacher by his side, there was a period when I could only watch as he became isolated because of his powerful voice.
Emeka was extremely studious. He eagerly learned honorifics (Keigo) and strove to use perfect Japanese at his workplace. However, the harder he tried, the more an "invisible grey wall" was built between him and those around him.
It happened during a presentation one day. Trying to convey the magnificence of his project, he spoke passionately with a loud voice and gestures, just as his father had taught him.
[Scene at a meeting]
Emeka: "This plan will absolutely succeed! Please believe me!" (Slams the desk, stares intensely at the boss)
Boss: "...Uh, yeah. I get it, so just calm down first. You don't have to shout like that."
Emeka froze. He wasn't shouting. He was simply showing the highest level of sincerity.
Another day, there was trouble at a convenience store.
[Interaction at a convenience store]
Emeka: "Excuse me, the change is wrong. Please check it!"
Clerk: "(With a trembling voice) I-I will check it immediately... I am very sorry..."
Emeka was deeply shocked that the clerk looked at him as if he were a terrifying monster. "I'm using polite language, so why? Do I look like such a bad person?"
He shed large tears in front of me. His shoulders, which had lost the robustness his Nigerian father boasted of, were trembling slightly.
Here, let's organize the nature of the misunderstanding Emeka fell into.
| Item | "Sincerity" in Nigeria | "Sincerity" in Japan |
|---|---|---|
| Voice Volume | 80-100db (Passion/Truth) | 40-60db (Calm/Consideration) |
| Eye Contact | 100% Never look away (Honesty) | About 50%. Look away appropriately (Modesty) |
| Energy | Radiating/Expanding (Confidence) | Suppressed/Condensed (Harmony) |
In Japan, his passionate decibels were perceived as an attack destroying the other person's "safety zone."
One evening, I invited Emeka to an old Izakaya (pub) near the school. It was a quiet shop with only a counter. There, we watched the owner cooking with few words.
Even when receiving orders from customers, the owner would only answer with a short, quiet "Hai" (Yes). However, his knife skills, the politeness with which he placed the dishes, and the movement of silently serving cold tea when a customer's glass was nearly empty—there flowed a "quiet sincerity" completely different from the "loud sincerity" Emeka knew.
At that moment, a drunken customer spoke to the owner. "Master, it's delicious again today." The owner, looking shy, raised the corners of his mouth slightly and bowed deeply, very deeply.
Emeka stared at that scene and muttered. "Sensei... that person doesn't say anything, but he looks very kind and free of lies."
I answered. "Emeka, in Japan, 'conveying' isn't about making the sound louder. It's about gently placing 'kindness' near the other person's ear."
From that night, Emeka's challenge began. He decided not to throw away the immense "power" he possessed, but to "repackage" it to fit the Japanese market.
A few weeks later, he reported to me.
[Moment of change: At the workplace]
Colleague: "Emeka-san, that document from earlier was really helpful."
Emeka: (Holding back the urge to shout, taking a breath)
"...No problem. I am glad I could be of help." (Bows slightly, smiles gently)
Colleague: "(Looking surprised) Oh, Emeka-san, you're actually a really kind person."
Emeka told me that at this moment, he felt he saw a true Japanese smile for the first time.
To you, who like Emeka are worried about being told you are "intimidating" in Japan: Your enthusiasm is a wonderful treasure. However, let's change the "wrapping paper" that wraps that treasure to a slightly more Japanese style.
Emeka is now admired in his workplace as the "most reliable, gentle leader." He has not discarded his father's teachings. He has become able to express the essence of his father's teaching—"Speak proudly, without lying, thinking of the other person"—in the form of Japanese-style "silence."
I want to tell you, who are bewildered by communication in Japan and shedding tears: Your voice is by no means a weapon. Depending on how you use it, it can become the greatest tool of "love" that embraces and reassures people.
First, today, when you greet someone, why not take a breath and say "Good morning" in a slightly smaller voice?
From there, your new world should open up.
I sincerely hope that the path you walk will be filled with quiet and certain trust.
