"I Just Want to Live Here" — After 20 Rejections, I Found the Key to Being Accepted as a "Neighbor" in Japan

Introduction: The Phone That Wouldn't Stop Rejecting Me

Click. Beep, beep.

How many times have I heard that mechanical sound of a call ending today? The silence that followed the words, "I'm sorry, the owner is a bit hesitant about foreign nationals..." always gouged at my heart.

It has been five years since I came to Japan. I can speak Japanese reasonably well, and my work is going smoothly. It all started when I decided to move from my cramped apartment to a slightly more spacious room.

However, reality was cruel. Even when I inquired about lovely properties I found online, the tone changed the moment I mentioned my nationality. "Is your Japanese okay?" "Is your guarantor Japanese?" "We often have trouble due to cultural differences..."

20 places. That is the number of properties I was turned down for.

"I just want to live a normal life in this country." Thinking this, I was overcome by a deep sense of loneliness, as if I were being denied by this society. You might be staring at your smartphone screen right now with similar feelings. Wondering, "Why is this happening only to me?"

But please, rest assured. It is not your fault. And that wall is not insurmountable. I want to tell you what an old man at a real estate agency—the 21st place I visited—taught me.

The Turning Point: Words from an Old Man at a Long-Established Real Estate Agency

Just when I was about to give up, a dilapidated real estate agency in a corner of a shopping street caught my eye. It was a shop with no fancy advertisements, just handwritten property information pasted on the glass door.

"Excuse me," I said, fearfully opening the door, and a stubborn-looking elderly man came out from the back. Without any expectations, I stated my conditions and nationality as usual.

The old man looked at me intently from behind his glasses and said this:

"We don't refuse people based on nationality here. But the landlord gets anxious if they can't see what kind of person you are."

I was surprised by this reaction, which was different from the real estate agents I had dealt with so far. The old man continued to tell me a story about a certain apartment.

The Reason for the Landlord's "I'm Sorry"

"Before, in an apartment where a young foreigner moved in, the garbage disposal rules weren't followed, and it became a big problem. The unseparated garbage was ransacked by crows and scattered all over the neighborhood."

The old man continued with a grim face.

"Each time that happened, the landlord went around to every house in the neighborhood, bowing her head and saying, 'I'm sorry, my tenant caused you trouble.' The landlord is an old lady over 70. It was painful to watch."

I was taken aback. Until then, somewhere in my mind, I had the "customer" mentality: "As long as I pay the rent, it should be fine," or "Why are you judging me?" However, renting a house means participating as a "newcomer" in that local community.

What the landlord feared was not me as a human being, but the "trouble that might occur due to lack of communication" or the "disorder caused by not knowing the rules."

The old man said to me:

"Japanese rules are detailed and troublesome, I know. But they are wisdom for everyone to live pleasantly. If they know you are a person who respects that wisdom, no one will turn you away."

With those words, I felt the fog in my heart clear.

Practice: "Small Greetings" and "Blue Garbage Bags" That Melted the Wall

"It's scary when you can't see how someone behaves." That old man's words became the guideline that changed my actions. To pass the screening and to build good relationships after moving in, I decided to show "trust" in a visible form.

1. A Declaration: "I Will Not Cause Trouble"

First, I didn't leave the remarks column or the self-promotion section of the tenancy application form blank. Even if my Japanese was clumsy, I turned it into a place to convey my sincerity.

Specifically, I made sure to state the following three points:

• Understanding of Japanese lifestyle habits: "I fully understand and respect Japanese garbage disposal rules and noise manners."
• Willingness to communicate: "If there are any problems, I am willing to discuss them in Japanese. I want to build good relationships with my neighbors."
• Specific lifestyle: "I am the type who spends time quietly at night. I will not invite many friends over and make noise."

Just writing this gave the landlord on the other side of the documents a sense of relief that "this person seems reasonable."

2. The "Tea" Strategy on the First Day of Move-in

The screening passed successfully, and it was moving day. Though nervous, I rang the doorbells of the rooms on both sides, as well as the floors above and below. In my hand, I held small bags containing a few tea bags of famous tea from my home country.

Me: "Hello. My name is [Name], and I moved into room 201 next door today. I come from a foreign country. I am not yet used to life in Japan, so I may cause you some trouble, but I look forward to getting along with you. This is tea from my country. Please enjoy it if you like."
Neighbor: "Oh, thank you for being so polite. If there is anything you don't understand, please ask."

With just this conversation, I could feel the other person's wariness melting away. It was the moment I changed from a "mysterious foreigner" to a "neighbor with a face."

3. "Thank You for Your Hard Work" in the Hallway Changes the Atmosphere

Even after moving in, I didn't forget the old man's words. Whenever I passed residents in the apartment hallways or stairs, I made sure to greet them myself.

• In the morning: "Good morning."
• In the evening: "Hello" or "Otsukaresama desu (Thank you for your hard work)."

At first, they looked surprised, but as I continued, they started greeting me too, saying things like, "It's hot today, isn't it?"

4. The Garbage Dump is a "Place of Learning"

The biggest hurdle was taking out the garbage. I bought the designated paid garbage bags (which were blue in my area) and struggled with the complex separation rules. One morning, as I stood frozen in front of the garbage dump, unsure about how to separate plastic, an elderly woman from the same apartment passed by.

I mustered up the courage to ask.

Me: "Excuse me, is this tray 'plastic' or 'burnable garbage'?"
Woman: "Ah, if it's washed, it's 'plastic'. Good for you, trying to separate it properly."

That woman not only taught me kindly but also praised me, saying, "Good for you." I learned that the attitude of honestly asking about what you don't know actually builds trust.

Summary: To Smile Under the Japanese Sky

What I learned at the 21st real estate agency. It was that Japan's detailed manners and rules are not chains to bind us, but a form of "consideration" for strangers to live comfortably together in a narrow land.

The stereotype "because they are foreigners" certainly exists. But lamenting it won't change anything. What breaks down that wall is not your perfect Japanese, but your sincere "behavior."

If you are feeling lonely in your life in Japan right now, please try the following three things starting today.

✅ Try saying "Hello" with a smile to people you pass in the apartment. ✅ Rethink garbage disposal rules not as a "troublesome duty" but as a "participation ticket to protect the peace of this town." ✅ Tell someone (even a convenience store clerk is fine) what you like about this town.

If you open your heart, someone will surely respond. I believe so. I am cheering for you from the bottom of my heart, hoping that the day will come when you can laugh with peace of mind under this Japanese sky.