Maintaining "Wa" Without Losing Your Self-Esteem: 3 Strategies to Be Trusted as a 'Proud King' in Japanese Society

Introduction

"Every man is born a king."

This is a proud phrase often spoken by friends from West Africa, such as Nigeria and Ghana. Standing tall, stating opinions clearly, and interacting with confidence. This attitude is the source of leadership and a symbol of human dignity.

However, when you started working in the foreign land of Japan, have you ever felt moments of confusion? "I just spoke with confidence, but was called cheeky," or "I explained the mistake logically, but was scolded for making too many excuses."

These conflicts do not occur because there is a problem with your character. It is simply that the rules of the game for "showing respect" in Japanese society are slightly different from those in your hometown.

In Japan, "humility" does not mean lowering yourself or admitting defeat. It is an "intellectual strategy" to make things proceed smoothly in society, like a "sophisticated armor" worn by a king.

In this article, I will share "hybrid behaviors" to win immense trust in Japanese business society while maintaining the nobility of your soul, from the perspective of a Japanese language teacher with over 10 years of teaching experience.

What you will learn in this article

1. The mechanism of why your "confidence" invites "conflict" in Japan
2. 3 techniques of "strategic humility" to uplift others without hurting your self-esteem
3. Magical rephrasing phrases you can use in meetings and workplaces starting today

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Why "Confidence" Invites "Conflict": Knowing the Gap in Norms

First, we must understand the difference in the "definition of a sincere person" between West Africa and Japan.

In West African cultures, behaving with confidence and dignity is proof of sincerity and trust toward the other person. Conversely, acting timidly or mincing words can be seen as a sign of incompetence or insincerity.

On the other hand, in Japanese society (especially in business settings), newcomers and subordinates start by defining themselves as "immature beings who know nothing." This is called the "norm of humility."

The Clash Between "King's Behavior" and "Newcomer's Etiquette"

If you immediately make a logical counterargument to a supervisor's point, saying "That is wrong. Because...", even if your claim is 100% correct, the supervisor will feel that "their face has been lost."

Let's check how values diverge in the comparison table below.

Scene	West African (King's Norm)	Japanese (Humility Norm)	Risk of Misunderstanding
When a mistake is pointed out	Explain the reason boldly and clarify responsibility	Apologize first and show an attitude of asking for guidance	"Too many excuses," "Not reflecting on it"
When praised	Accept it saying "Thank you. Naturally."	Be humble saying "No, it's thanks to everyone around me."	"Arrogant," "Getting carried away"
When asked for an opinion	Assert with conviction and show strength	Consider others saying "I think that..., but..."	"Bossy," "Lacks cooperativeness"

In this way, your "correctness" and "confidence" can be translated into "aggression" or "rudeness" just by changing the context. This is a great waste.

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Practice: 3 Strategies to "Act" Humble While Maintaining Self-Esteem

So, how should you behave to increase your allies in Japanese society while protecting your pride? The keyword is "acting."

Strategy 1: Use "Cushion Words" as a Shield

When stating your opinion, do not jump straight to the main point. By placing a "cushion" before the main topic, you soften the impact of your words. This is a pose to show respect for the other person and does not weaken your opinion itself.

[Example 1: When expressing an opposing opinion in a meeting]

• ❌ NG: "That plan is inefficient. We should use this method."
• ✅ OK: "I may be understudied, but let me confirm one thing. Regarding efficiency, isn't there room to consider this method as well?"

[Example 2: When demonstrating your expertise]

• ❌ NG: "I am a pro in this field. Leave it to me."
• ✅ OK: "Though my ability is limited, I hope to utilize my past experience for this project."

Just by adding a prefatory phrase like "I am immature, but," it sounds to Japanese ears like a "humble and trustworthy professional."

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Strategy 2: Use "Thank You" Instead of "Apology"

For people with high self-esteem, it may be painful to keep saying "I'm sorry" when you are not at fault. In such cases, converting it to "gratitude" is useful.

In Japanese society, when a mistake is pointed out, it is strictly forbidden to immediately start a logical explanation (which looks like an excuse to Japanese eyes). First, show gratitude for the "fact" that they pointed it out.

[Example 3: When a mistake is pointed out]

• ❌ NG: "That is not my mistake, but the system specifications."
• ✅ OK: "Thank you for pointing that out. I didn't have that perspective. I will check it immediately."

[Conversation Example: Interaction with a Supervisor]

上司：「この資料、数字が少し違うんじゃないか？」
あなた：「ご指摘ありがとうございます。助かりました。すぐに修正して再提出します」

By taking the form of "Thank you for teaching me (gratitude)" in this way, you can uplift the other person without submitting. People who "can show gratitude" are highly evaluated in Japanese society.

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Strategy 3: Adjust the "Height" of Eye Contact

In West Africa, looking someone straight in the eye is a sign of trust, but in Japan, an overly strong gaze can be perceived as "intimidation" or a "challenge."

Especially when talking to superiors, be conscious of the height of your gaze.

• Do not stare continuously: Once every 5 seconds, shift your gaze to the knot of the other person's tie or the documents at hand.
• Act like a "King with composure": Instead of staring intensely, lower your gaze slightly with a gentle expression. This is not weakness, but the behavior of an "inclusive King" who embraces the other person.

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Specific Scenes: Rephrasing Training

Here, let's look at "OK/NG patterns" in more daily scenes.

Scene A: When you achieve results at work and are praised

Japanese people dislike those who take a "Yes, I know" attitude when praised.

• ❌ NG Pattern

同僚：「今回のプレゼン、素晴らしかったですね！」
あなた：「ありがとうございます。一生懸命準備しましたから」
（※事実ですが、日本では少し自信過剰に見えます）

• ✅ OK Pattern

同僚：「今回のプレゼン、素晴らしかったですね！」
あなた：「ありがとうございます。〇〇さんにアドバイスをいただいたおかげです」

Point: Do not hoard the credit alone, but distribute it to those around you. By doing this, you are recognized as a "capable and humble best leader candidate."

Scene B: When you want to make a new proposal to your boss

Instead of thrusting the correct answer suddenly, give the other person room to "choose."

• ❌ NG Pattern

あなた：「部長、このやり方は古いです。私の新しいプランを導入しましょう」

• ✅ OK Pattern

あなた：「部長、今のやり方をベースにしつつ、一つ新しい提案をさせていただいてもよろしいでしょうか？」

Point: Just by inserting the step of "asking for permission," you protect the other person's self-esteem and make it easier for your proposal to be accepted.

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Common Mistakes: No Need to Be Servile

Here is one important caution. Do not become "servile (thinking of yourself as a worthless person)" in your attempt to be "humble."

Let's look at mistakes Japanese learners often fall into in a Q&A format.

Q1: Should I say "I am no good"? A: No. What Japanese people seek is not "low ability" but "consideration for others." You do not need to say "I cannot do it." You should say, "I was able to do it thanks to everyone's cooperation."

Q2: Should I not state my opinion? A: Quite the opposite. People without opinions are not valued in Japanese society either. What is important is "how you say it." Take the form of a "suggestion" rather than an "assertion."

[Comparison Table: Difference Between Servile and Humble]

Attitude	Inner Self	Choice of Words	Reaction of Others
Servile	Lacks confidence	"It's impossible for me," "I'm sorry"	Unreliable, Anxious
Humble (Strategic)	Has strong confidence	"Could you teach me?" "Thanks to you"	Trustworthy, Big-hearted

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Summary: Let's Wear a "New Outfit" Starting Today

The Japanese word "Kenkyo" is translated as "Humility" in English, but its essence lies in the etiquette to maintain "Wa (Harmony)."

The "pride as a king" you possess is a powerful engine for living in Japan. However, if the engine is left exposed, it causes friction with the surroundings. Only by wrapping it in the "body" of humble behavior can you drive smoothly on the road of society.

3 Things You Can Do Starting Today

1. ✅ Create a 1-second "Pause" When someone says something to you, wait for 1 second without answering immediately. And try saying "Thank you" first.

2. ✅ Memorize Permission Phrases Make the phrase "May I make one suggestion?" a habit.

3. ✅ Accept it as a "Costume" Think of the humble attitude as a "costume" you wear on the stage of Japanese business. When you take off the costume, you are always a free and proud king.

Your soul's brilliance will not be lost by even a millimeter just because you bowed your head in form. Rather, the intelligence to master the rules of a different culture will prove your true strength.

I am cheering for you to build wonderful relationships of trust in the new territory of Japan.